BoomerGirl Diary

Recently, on a Tuesday evening, I was pleased to see that one of my favorite movies, Terms of Endearment, starring Shirley MacLaine, Jack Nicholson, and Debra Winger was on the tube, and sat down to watch director, James L. Brooks, beautifully written, insightful, heartrending tear-jerker. I was curious to see if the movie would still resonate with me in the same way it had over two decades ago. For many reasons, watching this film stirred up a tapestry of emotions, punctuated the passage of time, and served as a nostalgic reminder of the many ups and downs, challenges and changes that I have experienced, tackled, or endured along the way, and the emotional terrain that my mother and I have traversed, since the movie was first released twenty-five years ago, in 1983.

After reading reviews of the film, for me it was a must-see, and on a sunny afternoon in 1983, I went to a matinee looking forward to a rare treat: a compelling human interest story about relationships, most notably the relationship between a mother and daughter as time goes by, with strong, memorable performances by great actors depicting a story that, I surmised, would resonate with fans, for one reason or another, and that would likely move an audience to tears, while at the same time, celebrate the preciousness of life and those we love.

Around the time of the movie's release, I'd relocated from a suburb near Baltimore, Maryland where I'd grown up, to Orlando, Florida with my husband at the time. Back then, the farthest I'd traveled was to St. Thomas, Virgin Islands and neighboring states like Pennsylvania, New Jersey, Delaware, New York City, and Washington, D.C. I was a bona fide Maryland girl, so moving to Florida was a bittersweet experience.

Feeling homesick, I sat in the cool, dark theater watching a scene in which, Emma (played by Debra Winger) hugs her mother, Aurora (played by Shirley MacLaine) goodbye. It was an emotional scene and one that I identified strongly with, having recently said goodbye to my own mother, father, brother, sisters and other family and friends before moving to Orlando.

The expression on Emma's face as her husband, Flap (played by Jeff Daniels) pulls away from the curb where her mother, girlfriend, and housekeeper stood waving goodbye was like watching a mirror image of my own departure, and captured the essence of the gamut of emotions that bubble to the surface when saying goodbye means that you're moving hundreds or thousands of miles away from home, for the first time in your life, and not just around the corner.

Who among us does not have memories of days that, for whatever reason, will never be forgotten? For me, at the ripe old age of twenty-three, the day I waved goodbye to my family was one of the most emotional days of my life. The sadness I felt was palpable. I remember my father smiling, standing at the edge of the driveway waving, while my mother stood in the background weeping, and as soon as my husband pulled away in the car, I balled like a baby. Every emotion I'd felt as our departure day drew closer came out in a torrent.

In the twenty-five years since I first saw Terms of Endearment, I have lost my brother, all four of my grandparents, an aunt, my great grandmother, an uncle, and two cousins. Each of them was unique and lovable and are dearly missed by their loved ones. As the movie progressed, I found that I was just as moved by many of the scenes as I was twenty-five years ago, but that the film evoked a greater wellspring of sadness, having experienced first hand my own share of grief and loss since then, bringing me to tears.

If you haven't seen Terms of Endearment, it is a gem well worth watching, and is much more than a chic-flick. The story is a finely drawn slice of life about everyday people that encompasses the ups and downs in their lives, the comical, the curve balls, the disappointments, the betrayals, unwavering loyalty, unconditional love, and the tragic loss of a loved one.