January 27, 2008
I rarely used moisturizing lotion in my youth. I had more moisture than I needed, and had there been a way to drill for oil in my glands, I might have made an early fortune.
On the rare occasions when I believed that lotion was necessary, I would put a squirt in my palm and be able to successfully moisturize myself and anyone standing within a 30-mile radius. I can remember walking around with greasy palms looking for other limbs to lubricate. Even the smallest amount was too much for my already well-hydrated skin.
Today, when I plop a kilo of moisturizing lotion on my (name any body part), I hear the ffffffff-THUP of skin cells eagerly sucking it up, and before I can even take a close look at my (name any body part), all of the lotion is gone, the only sign that it ever existed being a slightly less desiccated point of contact on my (name any body part).
What a difference a few decades make! I should have had a clue as to my parched future when five years ago my eyes lost their ability to float a contact! Now a Daily Lube Job is part of my regular morning ministrations.
I have drawers and medicine chests filled with eye drops and lotions, creamy make-up and jellies, and tubs and tubes with verbiage on them that generally include words like "deep moisturizing" and "ultra-hydrating" and "use sparingly unless post-menopausal." There's not a body part on me that doesn't get oiled on a daily basis. In fact, I have to get up a half an hour earlier every day just to accommodate my personal lube job.
Stick a wick in my hair, I'll burn for hours.
Comments
amazonratz (anonymous) says...
oh, yes. Let's see, there's the aveeno shower gel, the moisturizing soap, the aveeno lotion, the oil of olay (2 kinds) for the face, and the constant reapplication of hand lotion and lip balm during the day. It's a freaking desert out here. Oh, yeah, and adding grapeseed oil to my bathwater. What we need is a lubesuit, a jumpsuit that bathes us in some lubricating substance all day long, kind of like marinating chicken breasts, but more fashionable. great column!
January 27, 2008 at 8:44 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
Girlwoman (anonymous) says...
I giggled all the way to my arsenal of moisturizers. Thanks for the Sunday giggles.
January 27, 2008 at 9:28 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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