BoomerGirl Diary

Lexington, Ky. — It's great to have friends when you are sick. But it's not so great for the phone to ring all day long when you feel lousy.

As a friend, you want to help, but don't know how. Call? Drop off a casserole? Send a card?

In stressful times, caregivers must figure out how to share information with lots of people and friends must figure out how best to help without being invasive. One possible solution: Check the internet.

Web sites are available to offer those in need a manageable and convenient way to communicate with those who want to help.

One beneficiary of this type of Web site is Robert Baker, senior minister at Calvary Baptist Church in Lexington, Ky. Several weeks ago, while Baker underwent open heart surgery, his son-in-law set up a site at CaringBridge.org.

Baker's wife Debbie said that the Web site "helped us relay information to many caring people who were sincerely concerned. But it also allowed Bob the rest he needed because it helped limit phone calls."

Debbie Baker adds that messages posted to her husband were "instrumental in helping to keep his attitude positive during a difficult time." Now Robert Baker is recovering at home and posting his own updates.

When former minister David Renwick at Second Presbyterian Church, also in Lexington, had surgery and was recovering, he also had a Web site on CaringBridge.org. Renwick, who now lives in Spartanburg, S.C., could keep family, friends and parishioners updated across many miles.

Church administrative assistant Cindy Riley recalled that church members "loved it. It gave us the ability to communicate with the family without disturbing David with phone calls."

Web sites like CaringBridge.org, CarePages.com, and similar sites grew from a most basic need: communication.

In June 1997, the founder and executive director of CaringBridge.org, Sona Mehring, had a good friend with a difficult pregnancy. In response to Mehring's offer of help, the friend asked Mehring to keep everyone informed. Mehring tried phone trees and e-mailing, but it was too difficult to keep it up.

With Mehring's background in technology, she set up the first CaringBridge.org Web site. Though the friend's baby was delivered at 24 weeks and later died, the Web site was so effective, Mehring's family and friends urged her to set-up sites for other families in crisis.

Since that time, CaringBridge.org has the third-highest traffic among non-profit sites, and the highest traffic among non-profits that do not require membership.

According to Chris Moquist, marketing and communications director for CaringBridge.org, it has connected more than 20 million friends and family members in a year.

Moquist said the site is "all about communication, love and support in the most critical time in their lives. ... We are accountable to the families we serve. Everything we do has been requested by the families that we serve. We don't report to a board of directors. We have no stock price. We exist to support and serve these families."

Roughly half of the CaringBridge.org sites are set up for children or pediatric patients. Also among the sites are cancer patients, transplant candidates, victims of serious accidents, soldiers returned from war and brain injury patients.

Caring Web sites take privacy into account

Web sites for keeping family and friends informed during times of crisis operate on the same model as most social networking sites.

Access, privacy and appropriate use of the site are issues that must be considered when setting up the site.

Chris Monquist, marketing and communications director for CaringBridge.org, said their Web sites are not searchable by search engines like Google or Yahoo. Visitors to the site must know the exact name of the site.

Additional levels of security at CaringBridge.org include the ability to create a list of banned visitors, and the ability to require passwords. It is up to the user to decide how private their site will be.

Lisa Davison, Professor of First (Old) Testament at Lexington Theological Seminary, mentioned privacy concerns with a caring Web site.

"But if the patient is comfortable with the idea, it can be a great, compassionate way to keep the faith community involved without so much stress on the caregiver."

While "there could be potential for abuse," Davison added, "overall it has a very positive potential for helping to connect people and keep them informed."

Noting the "immense support group that the Internet provides, you can share your experiences with someone in another country," Davison said "that support is crucial for people to survive these physically and mentally stressful experiences."