BoomerGirl Diary

Has life thrown you a curve ball or delivered a wake-up call?

If so, you might be in a new position to exercise some real power. You might need to make a decision that will alter the course of your life.

Maybe you need to move to another city, go back to school, or kick someone out of your life.

Big change can trigger lots of anxiety. Suddenly, the world is trembling beneath your feet.

It often feels safer to stay in one place. But trying to avoid changing anything can mean you'll wind up getting stuck for years.

Remember that it takes the same amount of energy to plow out of a rut as it does to stay stuck.

Also, in many situations, making a major change might depend solely on you. That's the scary part. Maybe your friends or family can't really help you do anything.

Consider Barbara, a hospital healthcare worker. At 50, she is a widow with three grown stepchildren. Her husband died of cancer last fall, and all three of her stepchildren attend out-of-state colleges.

"I've always wanted to live in a stimulating little town," says Barbara. "So, I'm going to move to a nice area on the East Coast where I can drive to the beach."

Barbara presently lives in an isolated rural area. "I know I'm going to die mentally if I stay here," she told us. "It's frightful to move, but it's more frightful to stay. Building new relationships is going to be the toughest part for me."

An illness, divorce, or death can force us to think: Am I happy? Am I really secure? What will my life look like in 10 years if I don't change something?

Coping with a major turning point in life takes a leap of faith. For example, moving to a new area where we don't know a soul, or flying to another city to interview for a job, can intimidate almost anyone.

But, once we decide we cannot side step the change, we can think a lot straighter. The decision to change can even spark excitement.

If you need to take an unknown fork in the road, these tips can help:

• Define your goals. Picture what you'd like your new life to look like. What would your daily routine be like? Who would occupy your social circle?

• Line up a few contacts. Surely, you can tap into people who can offer support if you try hard enough. For instance, if you're moving to San Antonio, ask your friends if they already know someone there. If you want to switch careers, visit a career center and talk with a counselor.

• Keep reminding yourself why things must change. Divorcing an abusive spouse or driving across the nation to accept a new job takes willpower. But keep telling yourself why the change will support your future goals and dreams.

Always keep in mind that you can hold onto important relationships you already have. Cell phones and email will ensure you stay in touch with people who really matter in your present world.

Besides, if you cling to your old life when you need a new one, life can suddenly force change upon you. This is not a place where most of us desire to be.

Steve, an architect, worked for a firm that wasn't managed properly the whole time he worked there. "I went to work one morning," says Steve. "My job was over. The firm's building had been repossessed by the bank."

Steven continues, "A long time ago, my inner voice kept telling me I needed to switch jobs. I was too cowardly to make a plan and go for it. Now, I'm forced to find a new job, and my wife is expecting our first child!

If you step back to take a look at your life or anyone else's life, you'll probably see that major decisions must come every 5-10 years. It's inevitable for most of us. Our finances change, our family relationships change, and we grow older.

Successful people plan for those changes. They do buy homes, move to other locales, invest in stocks and bonds, and plan for retirement. They go out on limbs that make them uncomfortable.

By taking the bull by the horns now, you can put the most amount of time on your side. Even if you can't actually take any steps at this moment, try to at least envision the plan you will need. Spend time laying out the course of action. This way, you'll start to see opportunities you might otherwise overlook.