BoomerGirl Diary

The previous column said caregiving is not a healthy occupation.

Most caregivers report some depression, some health decline, some lack of taking care of their own health needs.

The problem, says Karin Little, is the way caregiving "kind of sneaks up on people. You tell them, `Hey, you're a caregiver' and they look shocked and then respond, `Oh yes, that's what I'm doing.'"

The lack of awareness – for most people – happens because most people needing care decline slowly. There's a need to take over more and more responsibility and suddenly you become the caregiver, she says.

Little is a family consultant with the Orange (Calif.) Caregiver Resource Center, which provides an array of services for caregivers.

Q: What's one of the basic personal needs caregivers tend to overlook?

A: Many times caregivers don't realize they need to have someone legally designated to care for them in event of an emergency.

We have our legal workshops because we find many do not have their own durable power of attorney for health care filled out. If something happens to the caregiver, no one is designated to step in and make decisions. So we provide them with information from an elderlaw specialist on wills, trusts, conservatorships, Medicare, Medicaid and so on.

Q: That's nuts-and-bolts stuff. What about the emotional drag of caregiving?

A: We have a class that really gives caregivers lots of tools for dealing with the emotional side. Like someone with Alzheimer's may ask the same question over and over, do other irritating things, wander away. The caregiver cannot change that person's behavior. We tell them the only one whose behavior can change is you. There are ways you can change your behavior and attitude to make situations less stressful.

Q: Do you work with caregivers outside of the classroom?

A: Of course. We have a counseling program with therapists trained in caregiving issues. They help deal with issues of anger, frustration, guilt, depression, anxiety. We offer six sessions on a sliding scale depending on income.

Then there are support groups that are ongoing. Some are focused on stroke survivors, Huntington's disease and so on.

Q: I think it would be a blessing to have someone outside the family to talk over these emotional issues.

A: Oh, yes. Caregivers often need someone dispassionate to talk to. They need someone to walk them through the problems of today and tomorrow.

You know, there is no timeline to caregiving. You don't know how long it will last. It could be five, 10, 15 years. The better care people receive, the longer they live.

Q: That's particularly tough on women who give up a job to be a caregiver.

A: Exactly. They put their lives on hold, lose out on benefits for their future, like Social Security and retirement plans. Then when they try to go back to work, they may need to retrain. Ouch, that's tough.

Q: What is one special need caregivers have that we haven't talked about?

A: Doctors and dentists who make house calls.