Thursday, October 26, 2006
I have discovered a new breed of player: Mr. Self-Aware.
His distinguishing characteristic is being practically perfect. Mr. Self-Aware can carry on a conversation that doesn’t revolve around the NFC East. He can choose an appropriate wine, a good movie, a great CD and the one pair of jeans that make him look his best from behind.
Most importantly, Mr. Self-Aware is self-aware. He’ll tell you right off he’s selfish, and he willingly admits to having a wandering eye. The best part, though, is that he’ll tell you he’s got “problems with commitment” and that you’ll have to be patient while he “works through them.”
The worst thing you can do is assume that he’s taking special care not to behave badly. Mr. Self-Aware is simply revealing upfront his tendency to do so.
That way, when you actually catch him leering at anything with boobs, all he has to do is act a little embarrassed. Mind you, he’s not embarrassed he did it. He told you he would, didn’t he?
Think of it like this: Say you have a weakness for chocolate, and your mom has bowlfuls around her house. When you visit, she finds you on the floor covered in Hershey’s Kisses wrappers. By way of explanation, you yell, “I told you I have a weakness for chocolate!” You have no shame at scarfing the Kisses; you’re just embarrassed you got caught.
The same goes for Mr. Self-Aware. He already said he’s selfish, which means you can’t get mad when he ditches your birthday party for barhopping with the boys. You should have expected this.
The final thing you need to know about Mr. Self-Aware is that he’s a master at timing his warnings. He won’t bare his soul after you’ve laid down your own crazy. Instead, he discloses his dirty laundry while you’re cuddling on the couch. The idea is his out-of-the-blue honesty will make you rush to his defense and be all understanding, thinking he’s just hard on himself and promising your love will fix him.
Sorry, but that’s not likely. See, Mr. Self-Aware thinks acknowledging his issues is enough. Nobody said anything about getting over them.
Comments
njoytravel (anonymous) says...
I agree whole-heartedly with this point of view... that usually when a man tells you, somehow and somewhere, upfront in a new relationship about his "short-comings" and faults; that he is telling you the truth; and if these bells, whistles and red flags don't send you back to the dating "drawing board" with a big "thanks, but no thanks", then you only have yourself to blame.
I hear many women who are all to willing to compromise their heart's desires for the qualities in a lifetime partner and settle for less in a relationship so that they have a man in their life; that is to allow let this "less than perfect" man into their world and believe that love is a fix and cure-all for their man's problems.
And I am not talking about "little" lessers like gaps in age, maturity or income; I am talking major gaps in areas such as like values, behavior and attitudes. I hear women talk about things like alcohol and drug abuse, neglecting child-support from previous relationships and other major red-flags that, though these women are completely aware that they exist, co-dependantly smooth-over and sugarcoat these "rough patches" so as to justify that their man is "not perfect". And I tend to believe that these women actually think that he will never do this same type of thing to them.
All I am saying here is that if women are going to take on the role as savior and matyr for a man, their lives will have havoc and upset; and if they are willing to go through these pains to have a date on a Saturday night, then you get what you were already told what you would get.
We as women need to improve our standard of acceptable behavior in men and stop allowing mental and spiritual abuse to occur. The pain is not worth the fleeting pleasure.
Mr. Self- Aware is not a "new breed", he has always been around, but we women must firmly decide on what is not tolerable, workable and acceptable by taking time to get to know a man before we open up and once we know that this man is not the real deal, have the courage and self-respect to let go and move on.
January 6, 2007 at 11:44 a.m. ( permalink | suggest removal )
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